I have to be honest with you all. Even though my background is in counseling I sometimes fall short in doing what I would recommend a client to do. I struggle with the dichotomy of being Every Woman and just being Jamie. I find myself projecting onto Joshua and passive aggressively imposing thoughts into a conversation that weren’t there. Here’s an example:

I asked Joshua what he wanted to do for his birthday. [This was not the first time I asked. It was more like the fourth time. And just a few days prior to the most recent ask he finally shared that he wanted to go out with his best friend.] I also mentioned that I knew that he wanted to go out but I wanted to double check to see if there was anything else he wanted to do. My question was loaded… I wanted him to say something that included me. Joshua said he didn’t want to do anything else. I instantly had an attitude and shut down. Why wouldn’t he want to include me? Am I not important enough to celebrate with? I think he started to pick up on my ‘tude and then he said, “I mean you can come to if you want”. I went from ‘tude to pissed in .003 seconds.

Long story short, it didn’t end so well and I was all the way wrong! Joshua’s birthday was not about me at all but I found a way to make it about me. I had to do something to fix it. I am a big proponent of self-reflection. I do therapeutic exercises in my head when I realize that I am off in my actions. 

I did an exercise where I talked about my wants and needs as Jamie the woman. I would counter my wants and needs by asking why. I continued doing this until it hit me that I was pointing fingers at everyone but myself. How could I hold people to a standard that I wasn’t willing to follow myself?

Here’s where it was actually about me. If I want to be considered important to others then I have to make myself important to me. Easier said than done, right? Very true. But like they say, if you want something different you have to try something different. So, I had to try something.

I began with picking back up with doing self manicures & pedicures. It then evolved into doing an online search of what my new clothing style was going to be. I made an appointment to get my hair done which is a big feat for me. I generally only trust 2 people doing my hair and they’re both out of state. 

I am still working on making myself important. It’s a daily thing because I can quickly revert to old habits especially when it comes to being a mom & partner. 

I challenge you to join me in taking a look at actions, words & thoughts. Then follow these 3 steps:

1. Search for what’s at the core.
2. Develop a plan of action.
3. Be consistent with the follow through. 

I’ll keep you all posted on my progress. I would love to hear from you as well. We can talk about: What do you do when you realize you’re wrong when it comes to your partner? How do you make yourself important? How has your challenge been going?